Wash the Facking Dishes!

So what’s worse than piles of dishes stacking up besides the sink for weeks on end?  You may be thinking that there are many things worse than dirty dishes, like say…finding out the kid you “adopted”, for only 25 cents a week, in the Sudan just died of starvation, or the fact that you lost your job at the ice cream parlor, or maybe the fact that there is an alien spore that has come to America from deep space and is now turning everyone into emotionless auto-bots (see “The Invasion” staring Nichole Kidman).  But these things are mere pennies compared to the sink full of dirty dishes.  If you don’t believe me…I put a hex on you.

How you deal with this is exactly what separates the men from the boys (sorry post modern feminist that may be reading this, “separate the girls from the women” just doesn’t have the same ring to it) This problem is best dealt with unspokenly (not a word)…when you start to see your roommates things piling up in your sink that you need to use to pour old beer down, simply remove the dishes and create a mountain of steam-ware that will absolutely fall on your inconsiderate roommate the next time he/she tries to leave a dirty dish.  This has many effects.  First the asshole that left the dishes will suffer deep cuts from the falling plates.  If this does not teach them a lesson, piling up the bowls will also create a smell that would make a bum in San Fransisco jealous.  This is all done with out you having to say one word…Easy for you and hell for them to try and clean up.  In other words, you win… which is exactly what you wanted in the first place when you stacked their plates outside the sink in an attempt to piss them off, instead of being the bigger man and just talking to them about the problem you have with the dishes.

I hope gives you some kind of direction in which use next time you are faced with a problem like this.  This technique can also work for other nasty things that should never be stacked in an attempt to piss off someone who will not help you.  For example:  Dirty diapers, chew spit, and used needles.  All nasty and not to be stacked.

Live long and prosper

-Stuart

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4 responses to “Wash the Facking Dishes!

  1. I’ve totally done that before to my roommates. It ended up breaking several dishes, so I don’t recommend it to people with nice stuff.
    Your first paragraph had me cracking up…the line about the adopted orphan was absolutely priceless. Keep it up.

  2. This is a very clever strategy you have devised to help against dirty dishes! While I can’t relate on the used needles, the other situations with dishes and chew spit are all too familiar to me.
    Common practices I have devised include placing said offending objects in their bed or outside their door, so they knock them over upon exit, making it their problem in front of their room. Good stuff, I look forward to hearing more roommate management strategies!

  3. Stuart,
    I like the message being sent out today. Dishes are consistently a college living problem. People are so lazy. My roommate and I have been through it but we talked about it. Looks like I should have just let her stack her stuff everywhere like you said. I will try that next time so I too can be a winner like you. You are so very wise and cynical… I would love to hear you post about being naked around the house… I think that you might have an issue or two with that topic. Just a thought, Have a great day and keep the advice rolling.
    _halee

  4. Heather Bender

    You are right, the worst thing in the world is to have a sink full of dirty dishes. I don’t have roommates to contend with, but my own pile of dirty dishes is none the less great. I also have friends that put off cleaning their dishes until something green and fuzzy is growing all over the sink. Who has the time to clean dishes when you are worrying about tests, work, other cleaning, or just want to have fun. For those of us who don’t own a dishwasher this can be a nightmare.

    I was wondering if the stacked pile of roommate’s dishes could backfire on you possibly? What if your roommate destroys all his dishes and starts to use yours? Like I said I don’t live with roommates, but maybe there is a more sinister plan than stacking the dishes that could not potentially backfire on you.

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