VOTE OR DIE!!

What do you do when the house you live in has different political views?  Good question huh?  That’s what I think.  That’s why I am blogging about it.  That’s why you are reading this blog.  That my friend is called a mutual understanding.  Now that we have that out of the way…

My roommate is supporting a certain canidate for a House of Represenatives seat (I think).  This is awesome.  He is involved with what is happening in his community and is concerned with how it should be run.  These are all great things.  Nothing that I would consider to be out of control, and I even comend him for his want for a better community.  The problem is when he brings it to our house.  Now once again I welcome differences in a house, but that is where it needs to stay.  I personaly want to vote for the other person.  Not out of spite, just feel the other canidate is the better choice.  Simple.

My roommate supports his canidate so much that he went out and got one of those political signs to show his support for his canidate, and put it in our front yard.  This action in my mind makes it look to the “passer-byer” that the entire house supports the canidate.  This is obviously not true.  At least one other person wants to vote the other way.  Now I dont think that me going out and getting a sign for my canidate and putting it in our yard would be mature.  He is making it seem that we all support him.  We all dont.  In fact my other roommate agrees with me on this subject, but when you try to talk to “daddy” (see previous post) he wont listen.  His way or the highway.  Bullshit in my mind.  But the sign remains in our front yard, letting people know that our house is a supporter of genocide, raping, drug use, and everything else that that canidate COULD stand for.  Live long and Prosper!

-Stuart.

hello roommate? want to bond?

Blog time again.  now this blog is not as fun as I once thought.  I used to have such a good time doing these, and was always on top of the deadline to get them done.  The past couple of weeks I have struggled to do them on time, or even do them at all.  But I need to get back on track…For my grade, and all the lovly readers out there that I know are soooo sad without my presious blog.

What are somethings that every roommate in th house can enjoy?  What are the couple things that as roommates you get together for a time of laughing, converstaion, hugging, bonding?  These are the activities that a house must decide on to be able to have a healthy relationship.  May I offer some suggestions?  Well  am going to anyway…

1. Boardgames- not just for children and akward family renuions anymore.  A good game of Candy Land can really jump start a relationship between roommates.

2. Social Drinking- Now when I say social drinking I dont mean sipping on some red wine throughout the night.  I am talking about getting a handle of Jim Beam and drinking it as fast as you can.  This has many advantages and very few disadvantages.  For one, you will be hammered, and so will everyone else.  Drinking that much bourbon that fast usually results in fighting, which is a healthy thing for any relationship.  It gets all the anger out on the table and lets face it you will be so wasted that a punch to the face wont even hurt…till tomorrow.

3. Play pranks on other roommates- This can be a fun and simple thing to build unity.  Some pranks include: putting hand of sleeping roommate into warm water (they piss themselves), putting 1000’s of dixie cups full of water all througout their room (very inconvient), and lastly putting fecal matter into a zip lock back and putting it on their pillow (classic).

These are just a few things that we as roommates at our house bond. I hope you take some of these suggestions to heart.  Live Long and Prosper

-Stuart

Who are you? And what are you doing on my couch?

Ever ask that question?  Pretty good question when you have no flippin’ idea who is sitting next to you on your couch.  Now you probably dont go right out and ask the person in question this right out.  But I am sure subtle hints are dropped to make this person introduce themselves.

This type of thing happens all the time in my house.  This type of thing will never stop in my house, because of certain choices one of my roommates makes on a daily basis.  Now what is the proper action to be had for my roommate in these situations?  Does he introduce me to every single person that drops by that I dont know?  Or since so many people stop by should this turin into something that I sould do?  Should I introduce myself to these people?  Lots of questions.  Lots of possiblities.

Personaly this is how I feel the situation should be delt with.  If a person is going to come into my house, first it is THEIR resonsibilty to come introduce themselves the people that live there.  Plain and simple.  You look like an ass if you walk into a house full of roommates and are just going to talk to the one person that you know.  Come on.  If this is someone that is going to hang around for…I would say…15 minutes then the resonsibility falls on the person whom invited the said individual over.  This was kinda a dumb subject to talk about, but you know what…you read it, and I am glad for it.Live long and prosper

-Stuart.

I try, and I try…

So here I am sitting at the computer about to talk about my roommates, and it dawns on me…I really haven’t talked about myself, and how I am as a roommate.  So for this blog post I will let the reader know how wonderful of a roommate I am (basically the ideal roommate). 

Everyday I wake up at 6:15 in the morning and let my roommates dogs outside.  If I notice that they have taken a poo I will go outside and clean it up and dispose of it properly.  Next I will go inside and start making breakfast for the entire house.  I usually make a little extra in-case any young ladies have stayed the night, and if not I take breakfast to our neighbors.  I am very up-to-date with current food allergies and take them into consideration while I prepare the most important meal of the day.  While making breakfast, before everyone wakes up, I also make a brown paper bag lunch for everyone complete with all the major food groups.  I pack the lunches and write their names on them so that they can easily grab them before they leave the house for the day.  Next I lay out the smorgasbord of succulent breakfast items on the table and get ready to go to class.  I usually am ready and out of the house before anyone wakes up and leave the delicious spread on the table in hopes that the aroma will wake my fellow housemates up. 

When I get back from school the dishes are usually piled up from breakfast and from my unemployed non-student roommate who has spent the whole day at the home.  Before I do anything I ask my the individuals that reside in our house what they would like for dinner, and I make a shopping list of goodies to be eaten later that night.  I do the dishes and then go do the shopping before I have anytime to myself.   

I finally have time to myself after the shopping and decide to do my homework which I frantically try to finish, without any regard as to weather or not it is right, because I know that my roommate, that has spent all day at school will be home soon, will be expecting a delicious dinner prepared for him on the table. 

After dinner is prepared we all sit down for a nice family meal and talk about our day.  This usually goes splendidly, because I love not talking about myself. 

Dinner is finished and I take the dishes into the kitchen and put on my yellow gloves and prepare to do the one thing that I absolutely love doing, my favorite activity…the dishes.  I love doing the dishes.  It is so fun to clean the plates and utensils that my roommates have eaten on.  It is truly an honor.  I thank them everyday for this honor.

Finally it is time to turn it in for the night.  I do one last sweep of the house with my vacuum before I put on my night gown.  I wish my roommates a good nights sleep, smoke a little meth, and rest my head on my pillow.

This is my life.  My chosen life.  I could not ask for anything else.  Thank You roommates for all you have done for me.  Live long and prosper.

-Stuart.

Daddy Knows Best!

So, its 3:30 on friday.  Sitting here wondering what to write about this week in the wonderful blog about my roommates.  Many ideas are running through my head, for example I could discuss about the courteous time in which to refrain from having sex in the house because of paper-thin walls.  Or I could talk about the struggle that ensues when determining what the official “house rules” are for beer pong.  These just seem like small unimportant struggles that really don’t require a 500 word blog post to talk about.  That is why now (that I only have 300 more words to type) I am going to talk about…How to go about getting approval to throw a party.

Now you are probably asking yourself…”self, why would stuart have to ask permission to throw a party in his own house?  I mean he pays the most amount of the rent.  Why would he need the approval of the other two in the house?”

Great question.  Not so simple answer.  As with anything in the world majority rules, so even if I wanted to throw a party I would at least need the approval of one.  Just to be courteous.  Now that is not the problem because one of my roommates, is always down to get “f-ed up!”.  At this point any normal house in the college town setting would go on ahead and throw the party.  Mine is a little different.  The roommate in question…Obi Won (I know I probably spelt that wrong,  get over it!)  is what we like to call daddy.  People don’t like to piss off daddy, and when the people in daddy’s house do something that daddy does not approve of…shit hits the fan, and daddy shuts down. Not fun for the people involved.

This is what I suggest to people that live with daddy.  Daddy probably gets his way more times than not inside the house, and sometimes probably doesn’t taken into account the other people living in the house when dealing with his associates.  Daddy can take a chill pill sometimes, and let his hair down (hair down is very relevant in this case).  I think the daddies in this world are just very happy in their own worlds and something like a party that they did not come up with is something that makes them feel uncomfortable.  They want to have complete control of everything in their lives, and as soon as something is not in their control, they fight their hardest to regain control.  A party is a perfect example, as far as in this house, of something that our daddy had no control of and it did not sit well for him.  He just sat on the couch and watched TV as all his friends had a good time around him.  It was kinda interesting to watch him deal with this situation.  He was very unapproachable to even his closest friends.  He later did forget about the party and moved on with his life, as we all did, but the party is just one example of daddy not getting his way, and the rest of the house suffering the repercussions from it.

Live long and prosper.

Stuart

Wash the Facking Dishes!

So what’s worse than piles of dishes stacking up besides the sink for weeks on end?  You may be thinking that there are many things worse than dirty dishes, like say…finding out the kid you “adopted”, for only 25 cents a week, in the Sudan just died of starvation, or the fact that you lost your job at the ice cream parlor, or maybe the fact that there is an alien spore that has come to America from deep space and is now turning everyone into emotionless auto-bots (see “The Invasion” staring Nichole Kidman).  But these things are mere pennies compared to the sink full of dirty dishes.  If you don’t believe me…I put a hex on you.

How you deal with this is exactly what separates the men from the boys (sorry post modern feminist that may be reading this, “separate the girls from the women” just doesn’t have the same ring to it) This problem is best dealt with unspokenly (not a word)…when you start to see your roommates things piling up in your sink that you need to use to pour old beer down, simply remove the dishes and create a mountain of steam-ware that will absolutely fall on your inconsiderate roommate the next time he/she tries to leave a dirty dish.  This has many effects.  First the asshole that left the dishes will suffer deep cuts from the falling plates.  If this does not teach them a lesson, piling up the bowls will also create a smell that would make a bum in San Fransisco jealous.  This is all done with out you having to say one word…Easy for you and hell for them to try and clean up.  In other words, you win… which is exactly what you wanted in the first place when you stacked their plates outside the sink in an attempt to piss them off, instead of being the bigger man and just talking to them about the problem you have with the dishes.

I hope gives you some kind of direction in which use next time you are faced with a problem like this.  This technique can also work for other nasty things that should never be stacked in an attempt to piss off someone who will not help you.  For example:  Dirty diapers, chew spit, and used needles.  All nasty and not to be stacked.

Live long and prosper

-Stuart

My Roommates…

I have two roommates. These two gentleman have shared a roof with me together for the past two years. One of these fellows I have lived with for three years. They are big Star Wars fans and insist on calling themselves Anaken and Obi Won while they play light sabors, or whatever it is they do… together…upstairs…in the dark…naked. Ok I take that back, the lights are probably on. Anywho, sticking with that knowledge I will forever refer to these two by those names, Anaken and Obi Won.

Anaken I have lived with for three years. He is small, yet he makes up for it with his uncaney ability to take up room on the couch. See Anaken needs to find a job. Most of us do. But, Anaken’s only real job here where we currently reside was a pizza boy, but then that place went out of business. Sad day with the force when that happened. Anaken is an EMT. So until all his paper work is in line and he can pass a little test (not the kind using paper and a pen) I expect to find him sitting smack dab in front of the HD television waiting for the next episode of the “Dog Whisperer” to come on.

Obi Won is a gentle soul whose main objective in life right now is to shoot under par at the prestigious city golf course. He aint bad, but just hasn’t quite made the cut for the PGA Tour. Actaully, I take it back being that he has now come to sit next to me at the computer and is talkin’ shit…he is a pussy, and sucks at golf. Hurt…Murked…Put ’em in the Dirt! Your not God’s gift to the golfing world, so get over it. Obi is currently trying to graduate as am I, and it definitely helps to have a roommate with the same major as you. Sharing books, and notes comes in handy when you make your only appearance in the library two days before the final.

I think that covers what I needed to say in this, the first post to my beautiful blog. live long and prosper, or something like that.

-Stuart